Hahahahahahahahaha. Craziness. Sex, Droughts, and Thirsty Men. I've been wanting to write this blog for a couple days now.
Sex -- we all kno wat it is. hopefully grown people are reading this. it's something i have been thinkin about lately. probably because i've been seeing some FYNE guys lately. hahaha. & well the lust has been filling up and dammit it's hard being celibate. YES i'm celibate. There's a reason for that though..which i will explain now...
Drought -- hahaha. a drought. NO WATER. ok, I'm in a drought right now. it's my metaphor. there's no water flowing... hope ya catch my drift. it's coz i'm celibate. i decided to become celibate because it's time to be alone. I believe in the other blog I wrote about bein in a relationship back to back. So i jus got out of my last relationship last year. So this whole year I have been single. I believe it was time for me to be by myself. To learn to love myself and not have to worry about someone else besides my daughter. You kno the usual worries, "wat is he doing?" "y hasnt he called?" "is he cheating?" UGH? Stress for no reason at all. it was jus time to be ALONE.
Thirsty Men -- another hahahaha. wats a thirsty man? it's a guy who wants sex. well a girl can be thirsty too but i'm talkin about guys now. lately, i have been dealing with thirsty guys. no one wants to be in a relationship anymore. all guys wanna do is have sex. And i'm sick of those guys. And thats the other reason y I'm celibate. And they're so blunt with it now. I had a guy come up to me and he asked to eat me out. NO not TAKE me out to eat but to EAT me out. I jus walked away. It's insanity. Where's the RESPECT? Ugh, next time it happens I should just slap the guy. But then again, nigguz r crazy these days. it will be better for me just to say "NO" and walk off.
Well i'm done. I just wanted to chat mainly about my celibacy. I realized that there is nothin wrong wit it @ all. And I dont HAVE to have sex. I'm ok with jus chillin. Of course, sometimes I see a FYNE dude wit a nice swag that makes me say "he can get it" but nah, that would be easy. Ya gotta make a guy work for it, that's wat they like anyway.
XOXO
Roxy
Thursday, February 25, 2010
Writer's Block
The ultimate curse of mine. Writer's Block. Ok, I told yall wen i was younger. i used to write stories and poems. Wat happened???? Well I got writer's block and I got it in the most messed up way.
Ok, I was writing a story. It was a story about a girl and a guy and they were in love. But the boy was a jealous boy and really possessive. So the girl left him. He began to stalk her, and it goes from there. I mean, it was detailed, it was clever, my friends would read it and were in love with it. Now I was typin it on the computer, and I can tell you that it was about 50 pages long and I wasnt even halfway done. But one day, when I came home and went to begin work on the next chapter of my book. I opened it up and saw the message, "You have more to do with your time than to write stuff like this" and NOTHING ELSE. EVERYTHING was GONE. It was all deleted and saved over. I cant even describe to yall how I felt. I was so ANGRY. I'm gettin upset now just thinkin about it. And ever since then, I cant write. I couldnt write stories. I couldnt write my poems. It jus really sucked ass.
This was approx 8 years ago. And it's still like that. I cant seem to let the words of a story flow out of me anymore. I think I'm scared. And that may be my blockage. I'm afraid that someone will reject and delete my work again. I'm afraid that people who do not kno me will not like my work. Maybe that's why I cannot write anymore. And it sux. A LOT.
Writing was my passion. I wasnt studyin to become a writer but maybe, jus maybe if I had kept writin and it was never interrupted. Maybe I would be publishing a book by now. But I cant seem to do it.
I came on blogspot because I wanted to begin writing again. I actually miss it. I miss it a lot. But maybe if I try again. Maybe the words will flow again.
XOXO
Roxy
Ok, I was writing a story. It was a story about a girl and a guy and they were in love. But the boy was a jealous boy and really possessive. So the girl left him. He began to stalk her, and it goes from there. I mean, it was detailed, it was clever, my friends would read it and were in love with it. Now I was typin it on the computer, and I can tell you that it was about 50 pages long and I wasnt even halfway done. But one day, when I came home and went to begin work on the next chapter of my book. I opened it up and saw the message, "You have more to do with your time than to write stuff like this" and NOTHING ELSE. EVERYTHING was GONE. It was all deleted and saved over. I cant even describe to yall how I felt. I was so ANGRY. I'm gettin upset now just thinkin about it. And ever since then, I cant write. I couldnt write stories. I couldnt write my poems. It jus really sucked ass.
This was approx 8 years ago. And it's still like that. I cant seem to let the words of a story flow out of me anymore. I think I'm scared. And that may be my blockage. I'm afraid that someone will reject and delete my work again. I'm afraid that people who do not kno me will not like my work. Maybe that's why I cannot write anymore. And it sux. A LOT.
Writing was my passion. I wasnt studyin to become a writer but maybe, jus maybe if I had kept writin and it was never interrupted. Maybe I would be publishing a book by now. But I cant seem to do it.
I came on blogspot because I wanted to begin writing again. I actually miss it. I miss it a lot. But maybe if I try again. Maybe the words will flow again.
XOXO
Roxy
Friday, February 19, 2010
Love. Love. Love.
Another blog in like what 30 minutes. LOL! I just love to write! Ok now, I want to talk about love =)
Right now, I'm actually feelin like....FUCK U! when it comes to men. I'm not goin to lie. I'm single right now and feel glad that I am. I mean, i'm only 22 years old. I'm not tryin to settle down right now. I should think about it since Eva is in the picture but FUCK THAT SHIT! Ok sometimes I get urges... but that's another blog. I'm talkin about love right now!
Love is patient. Love is kind. Love is sweet. It's all those things Kirk Franklin said. It's platonic. it's romantic. it's spiritual. it is uplifting. It can be really great. Shoot, it causes me to glow LOL. maybe thats y wen i'm in love more guys tend to come my way......
Back in the day, I used to be in love with being in love. =/ I mean, crazy to say, but for the past couple years since wat 2005 i have had a boyfriend. back to back. i always had a back up. i kno immature but i was scared of lonely (Beyonce). I've been cheated on. Lied to. USED. Verbally abused. And I took it all. Tryin to show everyone that I am strong wen it comes to my man. That i am a down ass BITCH. but u kno wat? FUCK THAT SHIT! i'm sick of these guys treatin me and women in general like doormats. walkin all over them, wiping their feet on them, just treatin them like CRAP. i will NO LONGER allow these ASS HOLES to disrespect me. I have standards and so should women in general.
I need a man...well not really...more like WANT a man LOL...
A man should love me for who I am. Love me without makeup on. Love me in sweats and a tee. Love me when I say shit that doesnt make sense. Love me when I'm being silly. Love me wen i'm ANGRY at him. Love me because I love him. I cant seem to find that man.... so i've stopped looking.
My Dream Guy. Is someone who is like what i just mentioned before.
a guy who will be the first person to txt me good morning and the last person i talk to @ night to tell me sweet dreams.
a guy who would hold me while crying and wipe away my tears.
a guy who will not pressure me and respect my opinions, my thoughts, my truths*
a guy who will kiss my forehead to show that I'm in his thoughts
someone who is content with just holding me in his arms and shit, gettin cutty from ONLY ME
someone who cannot help but smile when I enter the room and see only me
someone who is not afraid to tell him friends about how he feels about me and will not try to impress his FRIENDS and do something stupid and lose me
and just a guy who is geniunely a nice guy and will care enough to support me in all my goals and ambitions, and will love my lil girl as his own.
I really honestly begin to wonder if a guy like that is really out there. I seem to attract ass holes, jerks, busted ass, ignorant, cheap, playas, and need to get slapped MEN. Y? (that will be my nxt venting blog LOL)
I believe that one day, i will have a guy that is perfect and NOT perfect at the same time. meaning, he is a great guy but it aint all sweet all the time. feel me?
IN the meantime, I am by myself and happy. Of course i get those urges but that's another blog. LOL
Smooches XO
Roxy
Right now, I'm actually feelin like....FUCK U! when it comes to men. I'm not goin to lie. I'm single right now and feel glad that I am. I mean, i'm only 22 years old. I'm not tryin to settle down right now. I should think about it since Eva is in the picture but FUCK THAT SHIT! Ok sometimes I get urges... but that's another blog. I'm talkin about love right now!
Love is patient. Love is kind. Love is sweet. It's all those things Kirk Franklin said. It's platonic. it's romantic. it's spiritual. it is uplifting. It can be really great. Shoot, it causes me to glow LOL. maybe thats y wen i'm in love more guys tend to come my way......
Back in the day, I used to be in love with being in love. =/ I mean, crazy to say, but for the past couple years since wat 2005 i have had a boyfriend. back to back. i always had a back up. i kno immature but i was scared of lonely (Beyonce). I've been cheated on. Lied to. USED. Verbally abused. And I took it all. Tryin to show everyone that I am strong wen it comes to my man. That i am a down ass BITCH. but u kno wat? FUCK THAT SHIT! i'm sick of these guys treatin me and women in general like doormats. walkin all over them, wiping their feet on them, just treatin them like CRAP. i will NO LONGER allow these ASS HOLES to disrespect me. I have standards and so should women in general.
I need a man...well not really...more like WANT a man LOL...
A man should love me for who I am. Love me without makeup on. Love me in sweats and a tee. Love me when I say shit that doesnt make sense. Love me when I'm being silly. Love me wen i'm ANGRY at him. Love me because I love him. I cant seem to find that man.... so i've stopped looking.
My Dream Guy. Is someone who is like what i just mentioned before.
a guy who will be the first person to txt me good morning and the last person i talk to @ night to tell me sweet dreams.
a guy who would hold me while crying and wipe away my tears.
a guy who will not pressure me and respect my opinions, my thoughts, my truths*
a guy who will kiss my forehead to show that I'm in his thoughts
someone who is content with just holding me in his arms and shit, gettin cutty from ONLY ME
someone who cannot help but smile when I enter the room and see only me
someone who is not afraid to tell him friends about how he feels about me and will not try to impress his FRIENDS and do something stupid and lose me
and just a guy who is geniunely a nice guy and will care enough to support me in all my goals and ambitions, and will love my lil girl as his own.
I really honestly begin to wonder if a guy like that is really out there. I seem to attract ass holes, jerks, busted ass, ignorant, cheap, playas, and need to get slapped MEN. Y? (that will be my nxt venting blog LOL)
I believe that one day, i will have a guy that is perfect and NOT perfect at the same time. meaning, he is a great guy but it aint all sweet all the time. feel me?
IN the meantime, I am by myself and happy. Of course i get those urges but that's another blog. LOL
Smooches XO
Roxy
My Life As A Single Mother
My 2nd blog and actually my first TRUE blog.
Ok. I had my child when I was 20 years old. I was in college and being foolish to have UNPROTECTED sex. That's what happened. It was with my boyfriend at the time and it's actually sad to say that I once loved this boy. I would have given him my all. AND yet NOW...I cant stand him. I dont even like being in the same room with him. In my opinion, he is a LIAR and a straight up ASS HOLE! It sux to feel like "I actually had feelings for you". All he does for me is give me a headache. And that's just all I will say about that sitch cause I could write a book about how I feel about him. How sometimes, I feel like hitting him but I cant coz that's domestic violence. But what i really wanted to write about today was a comment he said about me. It went like this "Just because she (as in me) ruined her life, she shouldn't take it out on me."
Wha! Excuse me! WHAT THE HELL!! How is my life ruined? God has blessed me to have a beautiful child. I was given someone to care about. Someone who depends on me and loves me for ME! Someone I am responsible for and has helped me to grow emotionally. My daughter, Eva, has given me strength. Giving me a passion to go and continue my dreams for her. I love Eva to death. I would kill for her. I would go to jail for life for her. I would give my life for HER. She is my life. She is above everyone. She is mine. She came from me. She is apart of me! How dare he say that!
Okay, so I cant go party like a rockstar. So fuckin what? Everytime I go to a club someone either starts fighting or shooting. It's a waste of time. I can have a good time at home with Eva.
My life is not ruined at all. I'm still going to school, pursuing my major (Mass Communications with interest in Radio & TV), and I'm doin it for myself and for Eva. I still go out to lunch with friends, I still hang out and have a good ass time. If anything my life has become better. I'm not saying go out and have a kid coz ur life would be better. I'm sayin that I'm a better PERSON because of Eva. I'm not lazy anymore. LOL. I'm more honest. I'm more responsible. I tend to make better decisions. It's all good.
All in all, it is HARD. without my parents...AH! about that...my parents. I'm so grateful. I could be out on my own living in a homeless shelter. THANK GOD!!! but as i was sayin, it is Hard to have a child. It's not always smiles and sweet kisses. It's also tears and tantrums. But it comes with the territory.
Well i've vented LOL! hope u enjoy!
Smooches XO
Roxy
Ok. I had my child when I was 20 years old. I was in college and being foolish to have UNPROTECTED sex. That's what happened. It was with my boyfriend at the time and it's actually sad to say that I once loved this boy. I would have given him my all. AND yet NOW...I cant stand him. I dont even like being in the same room with him. In my opinion, he is a LIAR and a straight up ASS HOLE! It sux to feel like "I actually had feelings for you". All he does for me is give me a headache. And that's just all I will say about that sitch cause I could write a book about how I feel about him. How sometimes, I feel like hitting him but I cant coz that's domestic violence. But what i really wanted to write about today was a comment he said about me. It went like this "Just because she (as in me) ruined her life, she shouldn't take it out on me."
Wha! Excuse me! WHAT THE HELL!! How is my life ruined? God has blessed me to have a beautiful child. I was given someone to care about. Someone who depends on me and loves me for ME! Someone I am responsible for and has helped me to grow emotionally. My daughter, Eva, has given me strength. Giving me a passion to go and continue my dreams for her. I love Eva to death. I would kill for her. I would go to jail for life for her. I would give my life for HER. She is my life. She is above everyone. She is mine. She came from me. She is apart of me! How dare he say that!
Okay, so I cant go party like a rockstar. So fuckin what? Everytime I go to a club someone either starts fighting or shooting. It's a waste of time. I can have a good time at home with Eva.
My life is not ruined at all. I'm still going to school, pursuing my major (Mass Communications with interest in Radio & TV), and I'm doin it for myself and for Eva. I still go out to lunch with friends, I still hang out and have a good ass time. If anything my life has become better. I'm not saying go out and have a kid coz ur life would be better. I'm sayin that I'm a better PERSON because of Eva. I'm not lazy anymore. LOL. I'm more honest. I'm more responsible. I tend to make better decisions. It's all good.
All in all, it is HARD. without my parents...AH! about that...my parents. I'm so grateful. I could be out on my own living in a homeless shelter. THANK GOD!!! but as i was sayin, it is Hard to have a child. It's not always smiles and sweet kisses. It's also tears and tantrums. But it comes with the territory.
Well i've vented LOL! hope u enjoy!
Smooches XO
Roxy
First blog!!!!
Hey Guys & Gals!
Wow. I honestly believe I should have been on here because I love to write. I have stuff (as in drama) that goes on in my life and I need to vent out. Sometimes I need to share my issues with people who do not know me. Therefore can give me an unbias opinion about those issues. I also like to write stories and poems.
And another thing, when I write, it's like a truer expression of how I speak. I'm not really clever with my words when it comes to normal conversations. But, when I write I can make things sound really beautiful and make more sense. It's a weird talent. You would think, the way I write is the way I speak. That is how it should be but it is not. Words just flow thru me easier with writing. So that is y I decided to create this blog. To be able to vent my anger, to express my joys and sorrows, and to just be able to share my opinions, my truths, and my life to people who actually care to know.
Well some things about me:
I am black. I am a female. I am a mother of a beautiful girl. I am 22 (my bday is nxt month). And I like to write. Nothin really more to say. If u want to know more just ask and I will write more. =)
Now again, this is just a place to vent and basically talk shit LOL. Also to share my fears, my loves, my ANGER, EVERYTHING. hopefully people will enjoy this blog. maybe some of them will cuss me out. but i'm open to it. Coz hey, ur behind the cpu so it will not affect me like you think it should.
Smooches XO
Roxy
Wow. I honestly believe I should have been on here because I love to write. I have stuff (as in drama) that goes on in my life and I need to vent out. Sometimes I need to share my issues with people who do not know me. Therefore can give me an unbias opinion about those issues. I also like to write stories and poems.
And another thing, when I write, it's like a truer expression of how I speak. I'm not really clever with my words when it comes to normal conversations. But, when I write I can make things sound really beautiful and make more sense. It's a weird talent. You would think, the way I write is the way I speak. That is how it should be but it is not. Words just flow thru me easier with writing. So that is y I decided to create this blog. To be able to vent my anger, to express my joys and sorrows, and to just be able to share my opinions, my truths, and my life to people who actually care to know.
Well some things about me:
I am black. I am a female. I am a mother of a beautiful girl. I am 22 (my bday is nxt month). And I like to write. Nothin really more to say. If u want to know more just ask and I will write more. =)
Now again, this is just a place to vent and basically talk shit LOL. Also to share my fears, my loves, my ANGER, EVERYTHING. hopefully people will enjoy this blog. maybe some of them will cuss me out. but i'm open to it. Coz hey, ur behind the cpu so it will not affect me like you think it should.
Smooches XO
Roxy
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